Not Sure

I picked up the phone hoping it was Amazon calling to offer me an interview. This is how I respond to all phone calls these days- I pray that it’s someone calling to offer me an interview. Of the countless jobs I’ve applied to, only once have I been offered an interview, and that was for the Apple Retail store, which I was rejected from the morning after my interview because I wasn’t “special enough”.

When this morning’s caller turned out to be my uncle, who asked how I was doing, I immediately started crying. I swear, if I don’t single-handedly kill off my entire family by way of cardiac arrest, then it must be some sort of divine intervention that saved their lives.

Someone, please, for the love of <insert god of choice>, for the continuation of all that is holy and sacred, hire me now!