A month ago, when I first decided to turn the webpage I had been working on for months into a blog, I had apprehensions. The point of this blog was to be my writer’s journal as I could never get myself to write in an actual journal, but what if my writing went stale? What if I had a lot of readers who expected the same thing and I delivered that same thing over and over again instead of challenging myself as a writer? What if I let people comment on my writing and instead of leaving constructive criticism or a positive note, they all told me I suck and should die?
I’m still a bit apprehensive about this blog thing, but at least I know that it’s getting the most important thing done- it does, in fact, help me with my writing. Through this blog, I feel like I’ve challenged myself on a regular basis and I’ve learned what my strong and weak points are when it comes to writing and my outlook on life. On the days where I don’t want to write at all, I force myself to write. Often, I even post what I wrote despite any misgivings I might have about the piece. If you knew me, as in lived with me and really knew me, then you�d think: “My God, what a miracle! She’s actually writing!”
After working with fellow writers my age, I’ve learned that it’s not uncommon for people who want to identify themselves as writers to actually be scared of writing. I suffered from that fear and became lazy about how much and what I wrote in an effort to keep the image of being a writer in my mind alive. If I actually wrote, then I would be forced to examine the words in front of me and maybe even discover that they’re horribly put together and I need to be shot for creating such drivel. If I didn’t write, then I didn’t have to confront my ability as a writer.
This blog has not only made me confront my ability as a writer, but now that I’m constantly posting comments and stories, it has also allowed my writer’s mind to awaken. These days, I always have ideas floating around in my head that I’d like to capture in words. On the days that I don’t post anything, I find that the reason I didn’t post is not because I don’t have ideas, but that my body either feels like shit or I’m exhausted from a long and busy day. In the recent past, I would never write anything due to being afraid of myself and thus shutting down any potential ideas that I could write about. Now, I at least have those ideas, even if they end up being boring.
Another good thing that has come from this blog is that Tyler is now writing. He probably started his blog due to the fact that he reads blogs all day long, but I’d like to think that I inspired him at least a bit. It’s so refreshing to see him actually create something instead of sit on the internet and read rants about this and that all day. Of course, he still reads those rants all day long, but at least something creative has come from them. Now if I can just get him to dive into that box of junk of his and put together one of those wonderful sculptures he used to have hanging on his walls in the dorms…
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