Equational Men

Last night, I learned that there’s a direct relation between the number of drinks a girl has had during the course of one night and how many guys hit on her. A mathematical equation for this might go something like: [(drink strength) x (number of drinks)] = # of men.

I can’t remember how many drinks I had last night, I can’t remember the exact number of guys who hit on me, and I can’t remember the names of any of the guys who I do remember hitting on me. All I can say with certainty is that telling various people at my friends’ party “I have a boyfriend” abruptly in the middle of a conversation became my motto for the night.

I’m leaving for Rome in two days and I don’t know a word of Italian. Given the rumors I’ve heard from reliable people such as former study-abroad students and family members closely related to me, I have suspicions that my above mathematical equation will involve a higher ratio of men hitting on a girl per the number of drinks she’s had. I can’t lay claim to any sort of mathematical ability, but I think the equation would look like: [(drink strength) x (number of drinks)] = men². At this rate, the first Italian words I’m going to learn are “I have a boyfriend.” I heard the Italians cuss a lot as well, so I’m sure I’ll pick up a couple of other words to pepper my motto with.