I Avoid the Ladies’ Room Whenever Possible

In the women’s bathroom at work:

  • The stalls are 70’s orange.
  • There’s a dusty desk fan shoved in the corner of the handicapped stall.
  • The sinks are designed for midgets and also have a ledge immediately over them so that all non-midgets can’t see where the faucet is.
  • There’s three different types of signs in the bathroom: the one on the inside of every stall door, the one above the “sanitary box” in every stall and the one on the mirror. All three signs lecture users on various aspects of keeping the bathroom clean and go into extreme, disgusting detail on what keeping the bathroom clean means.
  • Taking into account the faded paper and peeling tape, a rough estimate on the approximate age for all of the signs in the bathroom would be somewhere between three and five years old.
  • There’s always a lingering, foul smell in the air after anyone over the age of thirty has used the bathroom within the past three hours. Almost everyone in the entire building is well beyond the age of thirty.
  • A milk carton has been chopped in half and placed under the middle sink to collect water that drips from the plumping.
  • There are a total of five different faucet handle styles for the three sinks.
  • A waiting room chair from the 60’s has been placed right next to the door for— well, for waiting, I imagine.


  1. facet: a particular aspect or feature of something.
    faucet: a device by which a flow of liquid or gas from a pipe or container can be controlled.
    fawcett: actress whose red bathing-suit poster sold more than 8 milion copies and who starred in the crime/drama show, "Charlie's Angels".