Plastic Cheese

Lesson of the day: never eat cheddar cheese immediately after brushing your teeth- it’s worse than orange juice mingled with that fake minty fresh flavor. In fact, the toothpaste has an inexplicable ability to make the cheese taste like plastic (or maybe the taste is closer to veggie dogs). I never realized it before, but the texture of cheese has an uncanny resemblance to soft plastic.

Of course, toothpaste isn’t the only one at fault in this stalemate of flavors. Have you ever noticed how cheddar has the ability to make even the freshest of breath go instantly sour? The second you pop a piece of cheese in your mouth, you are cursed with breath that smells like you�ve never seen the jolly white tooth man that raps in front of impressionable elementary school children and hands out neon colored toothbrushes with glow in the dark stars.

Alas, how can such a wonderful thing as cheese have such adverse effects?